i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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