did you get engaged???
Swine flu. Run for my life!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry about my life...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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