Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize