So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
