Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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