singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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