now i know why i became what i already was.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
