I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
