sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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