I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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