Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
