hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Liz is crying about burritos again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
