I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
