A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
