dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i drank out of a bidet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
