Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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