You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
