"it" just moved
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
