He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
