but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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