shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
