OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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