nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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