i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
