I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
