I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
