so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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