Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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