never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
