it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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