i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
