I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize