this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
