MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
