btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
