We're facebook friends in real life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
