It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Boobs are out for the taking
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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