ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you bring me the toilet please
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
