he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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