your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What a dumb baby whore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
