So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is Oprah even human
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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