Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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