this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
