K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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