apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
