dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
