Whod you bang
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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