i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
