Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
