Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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