You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
