I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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