And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You made out with two different species that night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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