420 ftw
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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