Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
