He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
