but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
