I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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