I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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