Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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