Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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