party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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