you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize