I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
