The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
