last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
