So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
