so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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