I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
