Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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