my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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