He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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